Not what I expected
by jnctrl
Summary: A jeff hardy Fic. Please read and review. *Finished*
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Jeff (he's Vince's) but I do own Briana.  
  
It was cold there, in his mind he knew that this day was coming one day sooner or later so it wasn't much of a surprise that he was about to go through with it. He had been feeling this way for some time now, he was content with the deed, and in his mind, there was nothing keeping him here.  
  
At first, he tried desperately to fight the feeling. "It's not worth it" he would say to himself at the start of his day but as time went on killing himself was all he thought about. He wanted to get rid of this feeling badly, he really did try to stop it but nothing he did seemed to help. He tried to push out his secret demons with friends and family but the more people he was around the lonelier he felt. He needed attention, he needed love, but the people he needed it from didn't notice him enough to give those things to him. That alone hurt him more than any physical act could. So eventually, he shut out everyone but that didn't help him. As his sadness grew so did his need to let go of all of his emotional baggage. He hated the way he felt so one night while he was alone; he decided to end it all, to give in to the voices inside of his head, to just give up. He unplugged the phone (even though he was sure that no one would call for him) got a knife from the kitchen, and slowly but surely cut his left wrist. The cut wasn't deep at all, especially not deep enough to kill him. He laughed as blood ran down his hand and in-between his fingers. He couldn't believe how much of a pussy he had been, to scared to kill himself and all. He was although surprised that there was no pain in what he had done, it actually felt good. He was in control of his life for once. There were no evil thoughts in his head and it was the closest thing to peace he had felt in a long time. This was the beginning of his cutting.  
  
Although this false happiness was satisfying at the time it's sweetness quickly faded. Soon after, he had started cutting he wanted to make up with the people he had once abandoned. Of course, they welcomed him back warmly and for a while, things were good. It was now his new task to keep his cutting a secret from these people and it killed him inside when they found out. Obviously, they weren't pleased and they wanted him to stop. He couldn't understand why they didn't want him to be happy. "There's no harm in it", he would say "and anyway it's my fucking business". Once again he found himself isolated from this world and in a world all of his own. A world where he knew what he was doing was right and to hell with anyone who thought otherwise. Soon his depression grew and the cuts got deeper. He kept a journal all his life and as an adult, he would read it from time to time when he wanted a laugh but now it only made him sad. Ex girlfriends, lost toys, bad grade, even when he got the chicken poxes made him cut deeper into his skin. He really needed a way out. 


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own Jeff (he's Vince's) but I do own Briana.  
  
One random morning after a long bleeding session, he hopped down on the floor and wrote. He wrote about everything he had been through and why it all had to end. When he was done, he signed and then stuffed it in his pocket. With that, he was out of the hotel room door and into his car. When his journey ended, he found himself on the side of the highway staring down at the cars. He had always loved the sight of all the lights and the colors but most of all he loved to wonder about all the people he would see through their windows. He only hoped that their lives were better than his. It seemed fitting to end it all there, he thought it would actually make things easier.  
  
He sat down on the curb with the cars still visible and took out a small pocketknife. It was silver with his name on it in gold letters. "Dying with style", he said as he traced the letters with his thumb. He unfolded the knife and sank deep into thought when he felt a hand on his shoulder.  
  
"Jeffery ", a familiar voice said in a low and caring tone "Jeff please it's me". He turned around knowing exactly who he would find behind him but when he looked into her eyes, he was breathless. Without words, she kissed him sending heat all through his body making him drop the knife he was holding.  
  
"Briana sweetie I missed you so much" he said.  
  
"I know baby I missed you to", trying to hold back the tears she skipped all the small talk and went straight to what she came there for. "Come with me please just come back to the hotel with me so that we can talk", She said almost begging.  
  
Completely forgetting about his previous engagement with death, he nodded yes and pulled himself up off the ground with her help. "How did you find me anyway?" he asked.  
  
"I have my ways", she said with a laugh. "And I know you to well" she said quickly picking up the fallen pocketknife while Jeff was busy brushing off his pants. "I was worried about you when you didn't call me, since you usually do when you come to Cameron. I was able to track you down using my excellent detective skills (with that they both had a small laugh) and by the looks of things I got here just in time", she said but with a relieved yet serious tone to her voice.  
  
"Well you can say that", he said grabbing her hand and entwining his fingers with hers as they walked to her car, "but I don't want to talk about it tonight".  
  
"Alright we don't have to if you don't wanna but we will later ok". Instead of saying anything, he squeezed her hand letting her know that he agreed. 


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own Jeff (he's Vince's) but I do own Briana.  
  
They got into the car and drove the whole way in silence. The time was spent with Jeff staring at Briana and her looking over at Jeff smiling occasionally. Although the car was quite there was no tension between the two people. They both were happy so there was a good vibe surrounding them. Jeff seemed to be in a trance he didn't take his eyes off of her the whole ride. Deep down he was in love with her. He had told her once but of course she didn't feel the same so he repressed his love and covered it up with all of his sadness and depression. But now she was back for him, her and no body else. He didn't know how to feel at this point so he just decided for once to be happy and so that's what he was, happy. Briana on the other hand had mixed emotions. She was happy that she had saved a friend but she also looked at this as her second chance. All of the time away from Jeff made her realize that she needed him in her life. Eventually that need turned into love and that love grew deeper and deeper everyday. Their (Jeff and her) relationship had never been the same after he told her that he loved her and that always made her wonder if he still had harsh feeling towards her. She was nervous and scared but nothing she was feeling would stop her from telling him how she felt.  
  
As soon as they stepped through the door Jeff said, "I'm tired" and crawled into the bed. Briana not wanting to argue agreed and laid down next to him. When she became comfortable, she sat up, grabbed his face, and kissed him.  
  
"Jeff I love you and I'm sorry that I hurt you. I never meant too, I just love you", she said not really knowing what else too say.  
  
"I love you too, I always have and I always will", Jeff said without hesitation.  
  
"Jeff please don't ever try and kill yourself ever again", she asked this time begging.  
  
"I promise, never again", he said calmly.  
  
She smiled, kissed him again and then laid her head on his chest satisfied with his answer. She knew he needed his rest and she sure as hell needed hers so she told him goodnight and he did the same to her. With that, she went to sleep holding his shirt as tight as she could in fear of what he might do if she was to let go. Unfortunately, she didn't hold on tight enough because a little while after she fell asleep he slipped out of her grasp. He sat on the chair next to her bed and stared at her. He loved everything about her, the way she looked, the way she talked, but most of all he loved her loyalty towards him. He was the one who had basically terminated their relationship. She had non-purposely hurt him so he hurt her back by letting her watch him fall deeper and deeper into hell, but still there, she was. He knew that no matter what he did, she would never leave him, but he couldn't keep hurting her, so he had to leave her.  
  
Jeff checked his pockets and took out the crumpled up letter he had written earlier. He had written it to her and was hoping that whoever found him would make sure that she got it but he was happy that he could deliver the message to her himself. When he found it, he laid it down on the pillow next to his sleeping beauty. He then checked his pockets for his knife but when he couldn't find it, he remembered that he dropped it. Trying not to wake Briana, he tiptoed over to her coat. She may know him too well but he knew her way too well. Just as he thought, he found the knife in her coat pocket. He walked back over to the chair he was sitting in and held the knife to his wrist. Before he put it to his skin, he looked at her and stopped. "She told me not to try to kill myself, so I guess I actually have to go through with it this time", he said that and then he cut both of his wrists. This time the cut was deeper than anyone he had made before. He dropped the knife and decided to die next to the one he loved. He laid down in the spot he had occupied before committing his deadly act and draped his arms around her waist. His blood stained the lightly colored blanket that they laid under and being totally unaware of what was happening she moved closer to him. As he laid there dying, he wondered what she would do when she found him dead with his lifeless arms around her. He worried for her but felt that if there was ever a time for him to be selfish that was it. He wanted to die happy and being with her made him happy, so who cares if she gets a little freaked out, what he wanted was all that mattered. 


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I don't own Jeff (he's Vince's) but I do own Briana.  
  
She woke up the next day at about one o'clock in the afternoon with the sun shinning down on her face. Today would be a good day she thought with her eyes closed, half asleep and half awake. Her clothes seemed to be damp but rational thinking told her that it was just sweat. It had been a pretty hot night and she did have a blanket over her. She could feel Jeff next to her with his arms loosely wrapped around her waist. She smiled and gently touched his face with her fingertips without even opening her eyes; he was so cold. Her eyes slowly opened and noticed the paleness of his skin, then her eyes slowly surveyed the spread that they were under and saw the stains of red.  
  
"Jeff wake up", she whispered even though she knew he never would again. "Please sweetie, I need you to wake up", the words could barley come out because she was choking on her tears. She sat up in the bed and felt Jeff's arm which had been peacefully resting around her waist, slide down to her leg. Staring at he white wall in front of her, she removed the blanket to revel her love's blood soaked arm. She traced the dragoon tattoo that was on his arm right above his hand. She had always hated it but now it actually calmed her. Before she woke up there was so much about Jeff that she could love but now she only had his body, and she appreciated everything about it.  
  
She had been sitting there on the bed mindlessly for about an hour when she came back to reality. She had decided to call someone even thought she didn't know who. Briana reached over Jeff on her hands and knees and picked up the phone that was on the bed stand. Her tears had stopped and the silence was killing her inside so she picked up the receiver and dialed 911.  
  
"Hello 911" "Hi I would like to report a suicide", she said rather quietly. As she talked to the women on the phone, the tears couldn't help but come back. Briana gave the women her name and her address and then quickly hung up the phone before the operator could say anything else. As she went to put the phone back on the bed stand (in the same fashion she had removed it in), she spotted the weapon that Jeff had used to kill himself with on the floor. She bent down, picked it up, and then plopped down on the bed. Unbeknownst to her she had pushed the note Jeff had left her in-between the mattress and the headboard down to the floor. She carefully studied the knife not really knowing why. It was encrusted with blood and the gold designs were now a dark red. She moved her thumb up and down sides of the knife an then onto the blade. It cut her thumb but she didn't really care, she just sat there watching the blood drip down.  
  
"Why did you leave me Jeff, how could you", she said as a statement instead of a question. "We were going to be happy, you love me, I know you do". She yelled through all her tears. "You just can't leave", the sadness had left her voice and now there was anger. She looked at the knife then at her thumb and with that, she cut both of her wrists. It was a pain she had never felt before but even though she knew she could stop the bleeding, she didn't want too. She needed to be with him and this was her way of getting what she wanted. Briana threw the knife somewhere onto the floor and leaned over to Jeff and kissed him on the cheek. She then leaned over to his ear and said, "This isn't what I expected". With that, she laid next to him and drifted away. 


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I don't own Jeff (he's Vince's) but I do own Briana.  
  
Jeff woke up and was totally unaware of where he was. He looked around and saw all the cars in front of him and it all came back to him. "It was all a dream," he said as he got up and brushed his pants off. His knife was lying on the curb so he bent down to pick it up but stopped. He looked at his wrists and remembered all the times he used it to cut himself so he left it there and started to walk away. He had come there to kill himself, to leave everyone behind, but now his was leaving to start something new, to find the one he loved, Briana. 


End file.
